A Postcard from Lanzarote #5


And so the holiday is over; blink and you miss it. Once again we’re back in the Minion Mobile but this time we have the added delight of a screaming child and turbulence. Oh, and the large snoring gentleman sitting next to me- and I don’t mean AlphaMale. The diazepam packet is officially empty.

The airport was the usual chaos. The elderly couple in front of us at the scanner who were trying to smuggle half a bottle of Head & Shoulders through in their hand luggage were officially reprimanded and were asked to ‘Please remove from queue’. Then there was the young man conducting a telephone conversation behind us at such a volume that I really don’t know why he was bothering with the phone at all. And whizzing up and down the concourse was a diminutive Spanish lady on an electric swiffer: imagine a Segway with a huge v-shaped duster on the front. After watching her for sometime I’m not entirely sure she has her official driving license for such a vehicle. Either that or she just has a sadistic streak, but she seemed to be making a beeline for anyone not paying much attention, collecting dust, sweet wrappers, flip flops and the odd unattended toddler on her way.

In their infinite wisdom the airport staff decided to take a completely random approach to loading the plane today and opted for the Free For All Formation – only allowing access through the front entrance to add to the general confusion, This is a great game and causes much sniggering and laughter, unless you’re a passenger. Given that half the plane were probably plucked from their beds at Stupid O’clock to sit on a coach full of equally disgruntled people, being forced to machete their way down the aisle using a vicious looking souvenir cacti doesn’t make for happy passengers. And then having to squeeze the plants into already rammed over head lockers makes for an interesting game too. When those doors are opened it’s going to be as if it’s raining green sea urchins when that little lot fall out.

Talking of cacti, if the snoring gentleman in 30A intrudes any further into my airspace I may be tempted to borrow one to help encourage him back into his own seat.

Normal service will resume shortly.
Over & Out


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